Hey Queens! I’m back again with more to share about my new sacral chakra energy waist bead that I added to my body! If you read my last blog you will understand why I was struggling with intimacy and why I started wearing this bead to help myself heal from sexual trauma and it is working faster than I expected! I’ve only been wearing this waist bead for a little over a month and I don’t see myself taking it off any time soon because I love the energy it’s bringing me. I’m going to share why: before I used to really hate when guys would be “Interested” in me because I felt like men just want one thing and if you don’t give it to them then they’ll take it and that always scared me so I was celibate out of fear. But after I put on my “sexy bead” (thats my nickname for it because the energy is associated with passion, creativity, intimacy sensuality/sexuality) I really started changing. My waist bead attracted this one guy that was very attractive to me so I decided to give him a chance. Now even though I put on this bead to heal my sexual trauma, I was not sure if I was ready to have sex just yet. However I was shocked to see that when I said no, he respected my wishes and didn’t force himself on me. That was very overwhelming for me because I did not know what would happen but I was glad that I didn’t get raped again so I felt good. Our next encounter we almost had sex but I said no again even though I kinda wanted to, I ultimately didn’t believe he deserved for me to give it up so easily. After all, I have been holding out for a long time so why should I just give it up to you? What makes you so worthy of receiving my entire vagina? After I rejected him a second time, I feel he got frustrated with me not wanting to open up and have sex with him so he started closing himself off from me. I could tell a difference in his behavior but I wasn’t bothered by it because I figured if he really wants to be with me sexually, he needs to prove himself worthy. Since then I have really been struggling with whether or not I should remain celibate or if I should start my celibacy journey over. Its a very conflicting emotion that I’m dealing with because a part of me wants to build an intimate connection with a man but then a part of me feels like I should wait until I meet the right man first. But then I also think, what if I already met the right man and I’m letting my fears stand in the way of forming an intimate connection? I cannot deny that men obviously feel more emotionally connected through sex but when you’ve been sexual abused, it kinda puts sex in the back of your mind. I’m still learning a lot about myself so I don’t know what I’m going to do. My waist bead attracted another man that I’m really attracted to and I don’t know what I’m gonna do if things ever get serious between us! Should I wait or should I give it up if the time is right? What will make a man worthy of me having sex with him? Or should I try to see if a man will be celibate with me until the time is right? I’m not sure how things will be for me but I will say I am more excited than I have ever been before about attracting men that I am also attracted to and seeing what happens between us so thats a good thing! That means I’m healing well :) What are some of your thoughts?
Thanks for letting me share! Feel free to leave comments and questions.
Good luck to you on your own waist bead journey!