Attracting men with waist beads-Struggling with Celibacy

Hey Queens! I’m back again with more to share about my new sacral chakra energy waist bead that I added to my body! If you read my last blog you will understand why I was struggling with intimacy and why I started wearing this bead to help myself heal from sexual trauma and it is working faster than I expected! I’ve only been wearing this waist bead for a little over a month and I don’t see myself taking it off any time soon because I love the energy it’s bringing me. I’m going to share why: before I used to really hate when guys would be “Interested” in me because I felt like men just want one thing and if you don’t give it to them then they’ll take it and that always scared me so I was celibate out of fear. But after I put on my “sexy bead” (thats my nickname for it because the energy is associated with passion, creativity, intimacy sensuality/sexuality) I really started changing. My waist bead attracted this one guy that was very attractive to me so I decided to give him a chance. Now even though I put on this bead to heal my sexual trauma, I was not sure if I was ready to have sex just yet. However I was shocked to see that when I said no, he respected my wishes and didn’t force himself on me. That was very overwhelming for me because I did not know what would happen but I was glad that I didn’t get raped again so I felt good. Our next encounter we almost had sex but I said no again even though I kinda wanted to, I ultimately didn’t believe he deserved for me to give it up so easily. After all, I have been holding out for a long time so why should I just give it up to you? What makes you so worthy of receiving my entire vagina? After I rejected him a second time, I feel he got frustrated with me not wanting to open up and have sex with him so he started closing himself off from me. I could tell a difference in his behavior but I wasn’t bothered by it because I figured if he really wants to be with me sexually, he needs to prove himself worthy. Since then I have really been struggling with whether or not I should remain celibate or if I should start my celibacy journey over. Its a very conflicting emotion that I’m dealing with because a part of me wants to build an intimate connection with a man but then a part of me feels like I should wait until I meet the right man first. But then I also think, what if I already met the right man and I’m letting my fears stand in the way of forming an intimate connection? I cannot deny that men obviously feel more emotionally connected through sex but when you’ve been sexual abused, it kinda puts sex in the back of your mind. I’m still learning a lot about myself so I don’t know what I’m going to do. My waist bead attracted another man that I’m really attracted to and I don’t know what I’m gonna do if things ever get serious between us! Should I wait or should I give it up if the time is right? What will make a man worthy of me having sex with him? Or should I try to see if a man will be celibate with me until the time is right? I’m not sure how things will be for me but I will say I am more excited than I have ever been before about attracting men that I am also attracted to and seeing what happens between us so thats a good thing! That means I’m healing well :) What are some of your thoughts?

Thanks for letting me share! Feel free to leave comments and questions.

Good luck to you on your own waist bead journey!

Love Always,

Malon Mahotiere